Feeling Blue
Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:33 am
I had a very bad bout of depression in 2002 and one of my releases was to write poems and songs saying how I felt. I still get bad periods and still do the same but not written poetry for years, most of my frustration is released through painting and music nowadays.
Hope you don't mind me sharing these dark poems with you - maybe you can understand how low you can get, maybe some of you have also been there and could find a release in a similar way......here goes
DEATH OF BEAUTY
(Elegy 2002)
Oh how grey the buildings seem
Have no character, lack esteem
So dark, so bleak and oh so bare
Whoever decided to put them there
Placed where once green fields stood
Steeped in beauty, the memories flood
Imagining the happiness they once held
But alas, no more, the death throes knelled
Walking herein is no longer bliss
Those forests and trees I sorely miss
No matter how tight my eyes, I shut
Of concrete floors and walls, a glut
Oh visions of where Id like to be
Of coastal meadows, grass waves like sea
The gentle Breeze, the wondrous smell
Of countryside, no concrete hell
And so I can only stay inside
The beauty of the world, I hide
I’m shut away, unable to expound
A prisoner in this concrete land
The above was written as I stared out of the window and just saw ugly local authority (council) houses and I felt trapped
---------------------------------------------------
Looking too Hard
Why is it that we seek so hard
For something that is staring us in the face
Searching, lonely, day by day
When all the time just around the corner
There is a someone who likes your face
But because he or she is always there
You just dismiss them and walk on by
And then you get so lonely again
Find a corner in which to cry
Just open your eyes and look, not too far
A million miles away
You will never find what you are looking for
Don't walk so fast but look and stare
And then you too might see what's there
Just take more time to look but please take care.
-------------------------------------------------------
Enjoy each day
Another day, so cold and grey
But all the same, it's another day
One to enjoy and one to rejoice
Just not the weather I'd like from choice
-----------------------------------------------------
PAIN
Knife through the heart
Stabbed in the back
Life strangled from you
Hang by the neck
Wrists bleed forever
Drowning in sorrow
For me there won’t be
Another tomorrow
---------------------------------
345AM
Oh what an hour
To be talking to me
No one else here
To talk with you see
Three forty five
And all is so still
But my mind works so hard
It’s on overkill
And all of this pain
It won’t go away
I live here in hell
God,
Here comes another day
Can I survive
Another twenty four hours
I simply don’t know
Don’t send me flowers
Cos when I am gone
No one will care
As my headstone reads
"Life’s so unfair"
-------------------------------
and finally a song written under the blackness of depression
FOOTSTEPS OF HEAVEN
I had a miserable life
Never had many friends
But one thing I thank God for
Always had my sense
See people in this world
Every single day
They don’t have a clue
Go on the same old way
Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
Its better than being alive
People ignored me all of my life
As if I wasn’t there
Once in a while it would’ve been nice
To stop or even stare
I’ve had enough, it had to end
But how was I to go
Until a voice came into my head and said
When it’s time you’ll know
Then one day when I was low
At my bottom edge
Found myself high up, looking down
Stood on a window ledge
Fifteen stories in the sky
Like i was almost there
One foot on the nearest cloud
The other on heavens stair
Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
It’s better than being alive
Hope you don't mind me sharing these dark poems with you - maybe you can understand how low you can get, maybe some of you have also been there and could find a release in a similar way......here goes
DEATH OF BEAUTY
(Elegy 2002)
Oh how grey the buildings seem
Have no character, lack esteem
So dark, so bleak and oh so bare
Whoever decided to put them there
Placed where once green fields stood
Steeped in beauty, the memories flood
Imagining the happiness they once held
But alas, no more, the death throes knelled
Walking herein is no longer bliss
Those forests and trees I sorely miss
No matter how tight my eyes, I shut
Of concrete floors and walls, a glut
Oh visions of where Id like to be
Of coastal meadows, grass waves like sea
The gentle Breeze, the wondrous smell
Of countryside, no concrete hell
And so I can only stay inside
The beauty of the world, I hide
I’m shut away, unable to expound
A prisoner in this concrete land
The above was written as I stared out of the window and just saw ugly local authority (council) houses and I felt trapped
---------------------------------------------------
Looking too Hard
Why is it that we seek so hard
For something that is staring us in the face
Searching, lonely, day by day
When all the time just around the corner
There is a someone who likes your face
But because he or she is always there
You just dismiss them and walk on by
And then you get so lonely again
Find a corner in which to cry
Just open your eyes and look, not too far
A million miles away
You will never find what you are looking for
Don't walk so fast but look and stare
And then you too might see what's there
Just take more time to look but please take care.
-------------------------------------------------------
Enjoy each day
Another day, so cold and grey
But all the same, it's another day
One to enjoy and one to rejoice
Just not the weather I'd like from choice
-----------------------------------------------------
PAIN
Knife through the heart
Stabbed in the back
Life strangled from you
Hang by the neck
Wrists bleed forever
Drowning in sorrow
For me there won’t be
Another tomorrow
---------------------------------
345AM
Oh what an hour
To be talking to me
No one else here
To talk with you see
Three forty five
And all is so still
But my mind works so hard
It’s on overkill
And all of this pain
It won’t go away
I live here in hell
God,
Here comes another day
Can I survive
Another twenty four hours
I simply don’t know
Don’t send me flowers
Cos when I am gone
No one will care
As my headstone reads
"Life’s so unfair"
-------------------------------
and finally a song written under the blackness of depression
FOOTSTEPS OF HEAVEN
I had a miserable life
Never had many friends
But one thing I thank God for
Always had my sense
See people in this world
Every single day
They don’t have a clue
Go on the same old way
Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
Its better than being alive
People ignored me all of my life
As if I wasn’t there
Once in a while it would’ve been nice
To stop or even stare
I’ve had enough, it had to end
But how was I to go
Until a voice came into my head and said
When it’s time you’ll know
Then one day when I was low
At my bottom edge
Found myself high up, looking down
Stood on a window ledge
Fifteen stories in the sky
Like i was almost there
One foot on the nearest cloud
The other on heavens stair
Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
It’s better than being alive